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Isaac Kuhlman
Isaac Kuhlman
Keymaster

Critique/comments of the BPS:

First, I have to say this is a REALLY good BPS for just a first draft. I don’t see too much to really edit, to be honest. It could probably have fewer words to be more succinct, but that’s not a requirement…just a suggestion (meaning, you have some doubling up of similar thoughts in the Ideal Client section…but it’s totally fine – this isn’t an English paper. Lol).

Secondly, I think EVERYTHING fits…EXCEPT the brand name. Let me explain my thoughts:

1 – “Flaming” has some quite negative connotations to the LGBTQIA community in the U.S., and I am not sure that would be a good adjective to have. It may be offensive. I can’t speak for that group though. So, don’t take my word as the law of the land or anything.

2 – I do like the adding a female’s name. That makes it personal. Jane is the standard “every woman” name. So, maybe Roxy is a bit better just because it is not so standardized?

3 – I think the adjective might want to be more inline with fitness as opposed to just fire or roaring. Something like, “active”, “fit”, “athletic” or something like that. It would just fit inline more, I think.

As far as the name goes though, you can probably try to Poll the group about ideas that they may have and see if any of the women here who fit the Ideal Client have some ideas. 🙂

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