The first couple of thoughts from me are that the ideal client is basically including too much about their lives.
Instead of letting us know EVERYTHING about the ideal client, what is MORE important is letting us know the INTERESTS they have that are relevant to YOUR BRAND.
So, for example, what does their love of travel, being a cat owner, and exercising have to do with living an “organized” life?
THAT is the part that is missing. You just mentioning all the things this type of person does only gives half the story. You are basically leaving out WHY you are talking about these things in terms of how that relates to your brand.